fat bastard

A Fat Guy’s Folly – Scaling Mount Lurong

fat bastard

On the list of things I need to change to lead a better, healthier life, happier life – removing legumes from my diet wasn’t in the top 874. Probably not even the top 7,023.

But, here I am looking through this website making mental notes of foods that aren’t ‘legal.’ Side note, when did the government ban quinoa? Has anyone informed the state of California? If not, we better get on that.

Anyway, my love affair with legumes appears to be over.

If you’ve listened to Nick or Abrie at all over the last 14 days you’ve probably heard them mention something about the Lurong Living Challenge. Or, if you’re anything like me, you have the sense of humor of a 12-year old so when you heard the word ‘Lurong’ you snickered because it kind of sounds like dong. And, that’s funny.

Essentially, most of what you need to know about The Challenge comes from this nifty paragraph:

“The LuRong Living Paleo Challenge is a proven system to creating life  transformation and improved performance. The 2nd Annual LuRong Living  Paleo Challenge gives you and your affiliate the structure, technology, motivation, education, competition, and accountability to see real and quantifiable results. It is time to take control of your health, diet, and performance. Whether you are just beginning your journey or an elite athlete looking to break your PR’s, you owe it to yourself to take the LuRong Living Paleo Challenge. No more excuses and no more regrets. Improve yourself, impact the world around you, and become an example of success to your friends and family. Now is the time!”

Can’t you feel motivational wave just sweeping the country? No? Maybe? Well, for me boils down to leveling with myself on a variety of things.

The Things I fear

+ No toast? What. The. Hell.
Everyone underestimates the humble piece of toast. But, think about it – what’s a bacon sandwich without the satisfying toasty goodness wrapped around that hickory smoked meat treat? It’s blasphemy, that’s what it is.

Or, how about NOT having that perfect piece of triangular toasted awesomeoness to soak up all the yolky amazingness left over from a pair of perfectly cooked eggs? That’s down right cruel and unusual punishment. Quick, someone get me a lawyer.

+ Goodbye booze. Mostly.
Listen, I’m not a lush. Personally, I do not think enjoying two-fingers of whiskey to unwind at the end of the day is bad. Also, my minions have told me that my right to have a cold beer at a BBQ is written somewhere in the Constitution. Yes, I have minions.

One saving grace is I can have 6oz of red wine. Or, about three droplets. Oh, thank you Lurong Living Challenge Gods, you are too kind.

+ The Workouts
Crossfit isn’t easy. Hey, thanks Captain Obvious. Did you wear your cape today?

However, I cannot even imagine what the hellish hell these people have dreamed up for us. 89 burpees followed by 24 400m sprints? Probably something close to that.

+ Ridiculous Responses  
It’s not like I haven’t tried a diet or attempted to change my lifestyle before. As a fat guy, that’s happened a good 423 times. One of the most cloying parts of making this change are the sheer number of people that openly try to get you to regress.

Typically it goes like this: ‘Hey! Hey, you fatty! We know you like cake. No we haven’t had any around for a few weeks, but we’re going to bring it in every day now because we hate you and we want you to overdose on cream cheese frosting.’

Or, something like that.

+ Death by age 35
This is actually the reason I’m committing to the challenge. My family has pretty bad history of keeping their ticker intact. This includes my father who’s had two intense meetings with the open heart surgical maestros.

My thinking is, I want nothing to do with a bunch of rubber-gloved weirdos who actually like poking around inside someone’s chest cavity.

+ Failure
At the end of the day, I’m taking up the challenge for myself, my future, and my family. I don’t take that lightly and the notion of falling flat on my face is quite real. I don’t like failing, but who does?

All right. This is where I’m starting. The better question – where will I end?

Signed,
Fat Guy In A Little Coat

P.S. — You can sign up for the Challenge here: http://www.lurongliving.com/challenge2013/register

P.S.S. — Keep your eyes peeled because we’re hoping to make this a continuing series of posts. Unless you hate it. Then, Fat Guy In A Little Coat will run away crying never to be seen again.

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